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Well, it finally happened; My 6-year-old daughter randomly asked me if she was fat.
I’ve spent her entire life trying to protect her from ever pondering this daunting question. We’ve tried to pay attention to everything we do and say about this topic. We’ve drawn attention to all of her many amazing traits. Taught her to see the value in others, no matter what.
Still she innocently inquired from the back seat yesterday,
“mommy, am I fat?”
Where on earth did she even hear that?! My husband and I used to be extremely overweight, so we have both been cautious when it comes to ensuring our children don’t struggle with body image issues as a result of anything we do as their parents. We want them to see their differences and quirks as traits that make them unique, and we definitely want them to know that their bodies (big, small, short, tall, whatever) should be celebrated and embraced.
Turns out she had heard some innocent talk on the playground, in which the word fat was used. No one was being bullied, and it wasn’t in a negative sense – thankfully.
But what do you say to a question like that?
Thankfully (because of my own major weight loss journey), I have pondered how I’d answer this question for a very long time. I took a deep breath, calmed my nerves and fears of saying the wrong thing, and gently yet nonchalantly answered with these words:
“Hmm… I wonder what makes you ask that?”
She responded with, “well some people are fat, and some are skinny, or big or small… Am I fat?”
Informatively I proceeded with, “actually Kennedy, no one is fat. But everyone HAS fat. Some have a little bit, some have more. But every person has fat in their bodies because every person needs fat. So nope! You’re not fat. You just have fat in your body to help keep your body and organs safe and healthy. Just like mommy does, and daddy does, and brubby does, and all your friends, and your teacher… everybody! No one is fat. Everyone has fat.”
Why I Answered This Way
Keeping things positive and informative opens up a dialogue so that she can begin to fully understand that a person’s size does not determine their value or importance.
What if I had answered with strong emotion? She’d have wondered what makes fatness such an emotionally-driven topic.
If I had skimmed over the topic without going into detail, she would have felt like the topic was tabu, and therefore drawn her own conclusions based on things her six-year-old ears and eyes have heard and seen. For example if a child on the playground yelled “you’re fat!” to another child and she instantly perceived fat as a bad thing.
If I’d gone overboard to reassure her that she’s absolutely not fat and I don’t know what would ever make her think such a thing, she would have seen fat as a negative thing.
I don’t have it all together as a mom, but I do know that if I can help her to form the right relationship with her own body, health, and perception of others, then I’m extending to her a gift that will stick with her throughout her entire life.
The Truth Of The Matter
At the end of the day, she doesn’t need to be walking around wondering if it’s is a bad thing. She needs to see that we’re all different and that every single person ranging from her super lightweight cousin, to her super obese neighbor, is important, and incredible, and worthy.
Along with all the things I’m doing to ensure she’s grows up to be a well-rounded human being, I’m also teaching her about health, and foods to eat and to limit, and allowing her lots of active play time.
But when it comes to body image,
I want her to see the differences in everyone, and to embrace those differences. Whether it’s hair, or skin, or clothes, or social-economic status.
I want her to see the differences, and not be intimidated by them. I want her to see them as exterior traits, and then look further so she can know the person behind them rather than being too distracted by what she sees.
This is why I answered with the same, informative and easy demeanor that I would if she had asked me about anything else.
After all, fat is a thing, but it’s not a determining factor of who a person is.
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