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Did my weight loss make me confident?
The answer to that is two-fold. On the one hand yes, and on the other hand, no.
This past weekend I worked at my dad’s Edible Arrangement’s store a couple of hours away. Every spring he recruits me to come help, reminding me that it’s his busiest holiday of the year. And because he’s a big, burly guy who is hard to tell no, I situate my hubby and kids and head to the rescue.
While I’m there, I always get to be around a ton of people (which I absolutely love). Some of them, I see every time I make the treck down the highway to work in my dad’s store. Others, I’m meeting for the first time. Somehow, my health journey always seems to comes up. Usually it’s because one person knows about it, and they mention it out loud.
So this time I worked the whole weekend and then made the drive back to my tribe of three, where we spent the last few hours of Mother’s Day celebrating my mommyhood.
When Other People See You As Confident
The next morning I woke up to a private message on Facebook from one of the girls I’ve gotten to know during my last couple of visits at my dad’s store. She told me she had figured out how to find me on Facebook, then stumbled upon my blog.
Her message struck a chord in my heart. Here’s what she said:
“Omgoodness I just read your story! It seriously goes to show you we have NO idea what shoes people have worn! I only see you as an amazing confident gorgeous woman!”
Her words were piercing, in a good way. It reminded me of how far I have come. And that I used be a quiet, very serious, head-down-eyes-down girl with zero self esteem.
People would never, ever know that I used to be that person. And they usually don’t unless I tell them or they read my blog!
I am completely opposite of that now. Nowadays I absolutely love people. I don’t let a single person walk by without looking them in the eye and, at a minimum, offering a smile. I’m not 100% confident all the time, but I at least value myself enough to know my worth, and to walk with my head held high.
How I Became More Confident
I’d love to blame all of this on my weight loss. But it’s just not that simple.
There’s a portion that can be attributed to my weight loss. Losing that much weight has made clothes fit more comfortably, and diminished the pain and physical pressure on my body. That, in and of itself, definitely helped the situation.
But I have to say that losing weight is largely a matter of mindsets.
I actually had to make a conscious decision, years ago, to be confident. Yes, I chose to be confidence. I was so not-confident for so long, that it took practice and a repeated choice to make progress in this area.
During that season of my life I listened to a ton of Joyce Meyer podcasts, and read a bunch of her books. One that was life-changing was How to Succeed At Being Yourself… This book is a must-read! I don’t remember any one quote or chapter that talked about this, but I do remember Joyce discussing how you don’t have to feel confident, to be confident.
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Choose To Be
Think about it.
You can walk into a room full of people, and on the inside, be thinking about how your shirt hugs your muffin top or how you regret having chosen the sleeveless shirt that day. But no one even knows that you’re thinking that. In fact, probably no one even takes notice of this “muffin top” you speak of, or the fact that your arms are showing.
We are typically so much harder on ourselves than anyone else is. We think people are checking out all of our flaws, but they’re not! And side note: if they are checking out our flaws, then they’re not the type of person we need to be concerned about being buddies with.
It’s not about ignoring negative thoughts about yourself. In fact, I talk about that in another post. But I will say that by changing my thoughts about myself intentionally, I slowly became more confident in general.
The more confident (notice I don’t say arrogant or egotistical – yuck.) you are, the more approachable you are to others. People feel like they can engage in conversations with you, and that, in itself, helps you to see that you don’t have to worry so much about what everyone might be thinking about you.
If I had never made this change on purpose, I’d still be the shy, head-down, low-self-esteem Jennifer walking around everywhere. I also would not have the confidence it takes to bare my soul to thousands of people who read my blog. I knew I had to make this change happen, because I knew that it wouldn’t just happen by accident.
Start Practicing!
So if you’re wanting to build your confidence, start by practicing! Walk into that room full of people pretending you’re comfortable in your skin, and that you’re sure of who you are. See how it feels to be someone who knows their self worth! Remind yourself that even though you don’t feel like you’re amazing, you actually are amazing. And the more you remind yourself of this, the more you’ll believe it to be true. And trust me, it’s true.
And above all, remember the value that is held by everyone else, isn’t nearly as important as the value you see in yourself. At the end of the day, the way you see you, matters that absolute most.
